2016

I’m not here to give advice or talk fitness today. I’m here to talk and to remind myself of where I was in 2016.
Like most people, 2016 was not my year. Mainly the second half of 2016.
I decided to leave my teaching job after only one year because my heart was not in it. It’s not that I did not like teaching. I loved my staff and students, but I knew where my heart was. So I made the decision to take prerequisites for grad school in the health and fitness field.
I was pretty terrified already. Was this the right call or was I just being a quitter?
I started science classes at the local community college and kept nannying. I was 26 years old with a bachelor’s degree with a bunch of 18-20 year olds. I felt like crap about myself. What right did I have to be here? I should be using the degree I already have. I felt like I was going backwards in life and it made me question everything I was doing.
Then, at the end of August, my fiance Tom went on a 4 day business trip that turned into a 17 day business trip, that turned into a 2 month stay. We ended seeing each other only  once before our “wedding” in October.
Then in October, we were in the car driving the four hours to our wedding venue when we found out the island we were getting married was evacuating due to hurricane Matthew. We had no choice but to cancel. We made the best of the weekend, our families came to Raleigh and had a little commitment ceremony to hold us over until we could have a real wedding.
But then everyone left.
Tom’s “business trip” was extended until the end of January.
I was alone, 17 hours from Tom and my family. I was miserable.

This snap was from early November, when I was at my breaking point.
I felt pathetic. I felt pointless. I felt more lonely than I have ever felt.
I want to tell you I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and got out there, made friends, and made the best of things, but I didn’t.
I wallowed.
I stayed miserable, focused on my studies, and held on until I got to go home for Christmas.
I have to give a big thanks to people who really held me over. My little 19 year old study buddy Jess for watching make up youtube videos with me and helping me squeak out an A in chem, Jeanna and Andrea for always making me feel included even when I was the odd one out, Ashleigh for talking to me forever after I was off the clock. And my friends from afar who sent care packages and called to check in, Mom, B, and T, you made it like you weren’t so far away.
When Christmas FINALLY got here, it was like a flip switched from depressed to elated in seconds. From the minute I picked Tom pick me up to drive me home, everything was just better.
And now I can tell you, I did decide to push myself out of my comfort zone and get out there.
I straight up, simply decided I was done not believing in myself. I was done feeling like a quitter. It was all in my head. It was my mindset. I knew I had to believe in the path I was on in order to succeed and that is what I have done.
I made goals for myself in 2017, benchmarks of when it was going to happen. I can honestly say, not only have I hit every benchmark so far, I’ve exceeded them.
I got into grad school to study exercise science.
I started working in fitness again.
I started this blog and with Kristen we have kept it going, pretty consistently too!
So maybe there is some advice here.
If you are unhappy right now. I understand. If you don’t love yourself right now. I understand.
But, it takes one decision to change your mindset. It take one decision to COMMIT to changing your mindset to change it all.
And is it always that easy? NO. But ALL you can do it try.
Because you are worth it.
Xo-
Sam

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